High Standards
- Fortunately: Can propel them toward higher achievement.
- Unfortunately: Can drive them to frustration and despair.
- Fortunately: Can allow them to create beautiful products.
- Unfortunately: Can cause them to shy away from challenges for fear of failure.
- Fortunately: Can allow them to fully concentrate and become absorbed.
- Unfortunately: Can make it difficult to transition to less desirable activities.
Healthy Perfectionism
- Finds order and organization.
- Learns from mistakes.
- Finds positive ways to work with their demanding tendencies.
- Seeks role models who emphasize doing their personal best.
- Accepts personal effort as part of perfectionism.
Dysfunctional Perfectionism
- Anxious about making mistakes.
- High standards that are unattainable.
- Perceives negative criticism from others.
- Questions one’s own judgement.
- Lacks coping strategies.
- Constantly needs approval.
Escaping dysfunction
- Parents model healthy perfectionism: holds high standards of achievement allowing for mistakes, learning from mistakes, and a willingness to try again.
- Teach your child the difference between excellent and perfect.
- Excellence is achievable but perfection is not.
- Practice makes “progress” but never perfection.
- Teach your child to self-evaluate; move forward.
- Help them determine if perceived pressure from others is real.
- Teach them to keep their eyes on the progress in the journey rather than fixate on the outcome.
- Allow for mistakes and even failure – be supportive; encourage them to try a different strategy toward success; focus on “not yet”.
In closing
Setting high goals is a wonderful thing to do, as long as those goals don’t become unattainable or anxiety producing; perfection isn’t possible!